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Comedian Bert Kreischer knows a thing or two about burgers, and his recipe for the perfect one is surprisingly simple — even if his description is anything but family-friendly.
“A good burger is like great sex. It doesn’t need to be fancy,” Kreischer said in an interview ahead of his appearance as host of the Burger Bash at Thursday night’s New York City Wine & Food Festival.
For Kreischer, the ideal burger doesn’t require exotic ingredients or elaborate toppings. He prefers the classics: a buttery, toasted brioche bun, American cheese and traditional fixings.
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“I’ve got to be in a mood to have a raspberry jam and goat cheese on a burger,” he said.
The comedian’s passion for burgers goes well beyond punchlines.
On his cooking show, “Something’s Burning,” Kreischer became so proficient at making smash burgers that he found himself eating them around the clock.
“I got so good at making smash burgers that I went through a smash burger phase where I was having them for breakfast, lunch and dinner,” he recalled.
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Eventually, Kreischer said, he had to stop making them so frequently.
But one burger still holds a special place in his heart: the one served at Guy Fieri’s burger bar aboard Carnival cruise ships.
“The best thing Guy Fieri has ever done in his life is the f—— Guy Fieri burger bar on the cruise ships,” Kreischer said. “That is the best burger you’ll ever have.”
He particularly appreciates the generous portions, the option to double up on patties and cheese, and the freedom to customize his burger with whatever toppings he wants.
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Kreischer, who is preparing to host his own Fully Loaded at Sea comedy cruise featuring a live taping of “Something’s Burning,” said he’d happily spend an afternoon making burgers behind the counter if the ship had a Guy Fieri burger bar.
For now, his attention is on Burger Bash, where some of the country’s top burger makers will compete for bragging rights.
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Although Kreischer has no shortage of opinions about what makes a winning burger, he’s relieved that his role is to host rather than judge, as he did earlier this year at the South Beach Wine & Food Festival.
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“Yeah, it’s so much better than judging it,” he said.
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For Kreischer, the best burgers aren’t necessarily the most adventurous. Sometimes, a perfectly cooked patty, melted American cheese and a toasted bun are all it takes.
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