Japanese bear-fightin’ robo-wolves are pure unleaded nightmare fuel but they’re working

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There are so many things happening around the world, it’s really tough to stay up to speed on everything. However, one thing that I can’t believe isn’t talked about more is the problem Japan is having with bear attacks.

In fact, it has gotten so bad that they’ve turned to robotic wolves to deal with it.

Killer Bears vs. Robo-Wolves? Hands off, everybody. I’m writing the screenplay for what is sure to be a Syfy channel moviechannel movie if it isn’t already.

Bear encounters are on the rise in Japan, with 200 injuries and 13 fatalities reported just since the start of 2025. It’s gotten so bad that, according to Popular Science, they even had to deploy the military to deal with the problem.

JAPAN DEPLOYS MILITARY AFTER RECORD BEAR ATTACKS ACROSS COUNTRY

Perhaps someone was watching “Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla” and Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla and thought, “Hey, let’s throw some robots at this problem.”

They did, and it has proven to be the secret weapon. Monster Wolf, a $4,000 robot with sensors and sound effects designed to scare away bears, deer and, really, by the looks of it, anything else it wants to.

Because it might be the scariest thing I’ve ever seen.

Did… did they have to go that hard?

I think you can scare most animals by hitting a tree trunk with a stick; you don’t need a robotic version of one of the heads of Cerberus.

I mean, yeah, no one seems to know what to do when a bear attacks. Some people say you roll up in a ball, others say you make yourself big. Some say you stay quiet, while others say you blast an air horn in its face.

ZERO BS. JUST DAKICH. TAKE THE DON’T @ ME PODCAST ON THE ROAD. DOWNLOAD NOW!

So, after centuries — maybe millennia — of not knowing what to do when a bear goes all Leonardo DiCaprio in “The Revenant” on youThe Revenant on you, it turns out the answer was simple: robot wolves.

Terrifying robot wolves that we’ll all see in our sleep tonight.

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I mean, imagine going on a hike and running into that. You’d wish you were getting mauled by a bear.

But there’s one problem. They seem to be working, and because each Monster Wolf is custom-made, they’re having trouble keeping up with demand.

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