Brutal fantasy football punishment sends lone astronaut to Kauffman Stadium nosebleeds for Royals game

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Don’t look now, but the Boston Red Sox have won two games in a row. That’s right. Two games in a row!

Stop the presses. Alert the media. Send smoke from the Vatican. The Red Sox are one win away from something called a “winning streak,” which I’m not sure they’ve been on yet this season.

And while that’s all well and good, I’m not here to talk about that. Instead, I’d like to dive into what took place during Tuesday night’s Red Sox-Royals game in Kansas City. It had nothing to do with what happened on the field.

A general view of Kauffman Stadium during a baseball game in Kansas City Missouri

Quite the opposite, in fact. It took place as far away from the actual field itself, way up in the nosebleeds of beautiful Kauffman Stadium.

Here’s your yearly PSA to draft well this August:

I’ve seen way worse fantasy football punishments

Amazing. Frankly, it’s really not the worst fantasy football punishment in the world.

“You came in last this year, now you have to go watch a Royals game by yourself and dress like an astronaut.”

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I’ve seen way worse. Waaaaaaaaaaaay worse. The only downside here is this guy doesn’t appear to be allowed to drink during the game, which is great for his bank account, but terrible for everything else.

I’ve personally never finished last in a fantasy league, although I’ve come close a time or two. It came down to the final week two years ago, and I just barely pulled it off for a solid 11th-place finish that season.

Nick Sogard tagged out at home plate by Carter Jensen at Kauffman Stadium

The loser had to run five miles around a track, and every time he’d finish a lap he’d have to shotgun a beer. It looked just miserable. I’ve been deathly terrified of coming in last ever since.

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I believe the last-place punishment this year was to have the guy show up to a random high school and take an SAT.

Again, not the most brutal punishment in the world, but it does waste a whole Saturday for no reason. Speaking as someone who bombed both the ACT and SAT, this one also sounds pretty awful.

A fan waiting through a rain delay at Kauffman Stadium in Kansas City, Missouri

Which is why I say this guy getting to go to a Royals-Red Sox game is actually a pretty sweet deal for coming in last. Frankly, the biggest punishment here is that it’s a Royals-Red Sox game.

The Red Sox stink and have already fired their entire coaching staff, while the Royals are somehow worse. Do you know how bad you have to be worse than the 2026 Boston Red Sox this season? Historically bad.

So, perhaps this is the actual punishment. Not going to the game itself, but just going to this one.

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I’d rather run five miles and shotgun a dozen Miller Lites along the way.

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